A Romero In Thy Name Could Still Stink

George Romero Presents: Deadtime Stories Vol.1
(2011)


I'm trying to come up with a witty intro but I give up. These were three of the most boring, nonsensical horror shorts I've ever watched - utterly worse than "From A Whisper to a Scream" (at least that had Vincent Price).

Valley of the Shadow - A woman goes to the Amazon in search of her missing husband - or some witch fruit that looked like a giant bat's nads - and finds death at the hands of the whitest "native" I've ever seen. Seriously, this guy was so pasty he glowed, and yet no one seemed to see him "hiding" in the bright, verdant green of the rain forest. He was also covered in "tribal" tattoos that looked like souvenirs from a drunken blur of Vegas. There was no point to this at all. Also, the title made no sense.

McPasty

WeT - Lonely boozer by the sea stumbles upon the dismembered body of a mermaid and steals the jade & gold Morlai tombs she was encased in. He gets what he deserves and then some. I guess the end was meant to be bittersweet or sorrowful or whatever. It made an iota of sense.

...but he kept opening all the boxes.

Housecall - A mock period piece; a woman calls a country doctor to look in on her son who says he's a vampire. The mother doesn't believe him but as the story progresses, she sure does seem to be covering up a lot of "disappearances" for something she disputes is real. The good doctor puts the wood to junior but has his own reason for making the visit. This was probably the best out of the three but even it was lame and predictable.

Oh yeah, mom, it was just a cold.

Bah, humbug! I think I'm getting the half-way-through blues.