Full Moon High
God this was so campy. Typical 80s B-movie horror-spoof. Made in 1981 but opening with a 1950s setting, this plays out like a lackluster live-action Archie comic with fur:
Tony's conspiracy-and-espionage-obsessed dad takes him on vacation to Romania - in the middle of the school year - and makes min roam around the countryside looking for bizarre museums while he gets it on with hookers. He has the inevitable meeting with a werewolf who sounds like a jaguar and comes with its own violinist. He gets home, gnaws on a few folks and then splits. Then the whole thing fast forwards to the 1970s.
Like a lot of movies from this time period and genre, there's some sloppy editing and poor transitioning. One minute people are conversing in the living room and the next they're seated at the kitchen table, mid-sentence in the same conversation. It was kinda funny but you won't feel deprived if you miss it. The newspaper headlines were hands down the best gags going.
I'll say this,though, for a wolf, he attracted a lot of pussy. Unfortunately, one was his crazy (and now 40-something) ex-girlfriend and another was a slutty weirdo into S&M. I guess a monster could do worse.
Best Line: "I'm not the sort of guy who believes in vampires Werewolves or Virgins."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Stupid Dogs.....
Killer Dog aka Play Dead (1981)
You know a movies cheap when it has two published titles. And you know it's even better when the movie is filmed in 1981, but wasn't released till 1986...and by Troma, no less. Already this movie has three strikes against it.
Having said all that, this movie lives up to its curse. Hell, at 25 minutes in, there's a long shot of the microphone hanging from the ceiling during a horribly edited love scene. Long story short, Yvonne De Carlo of the Munsters fame stars as a jilted lover hell bent on revenge...with a dog. She trains the dog to go on a murder spree...a really dumb one. No, this isn't Cujo, and not really violent. All the deaths look like accidents, and there's an implied supernatural element via Satan, but it's never really forced. In the end, the dog kills pretty much everyone. In fact, he tries to kill Yvonne twice!
Ug, I need a better class of horror, but I think I've seen them already.
You know a movies cheap when it has two published titles. And you know it's even better when the movie is filmed in 1981, but wasn't released till 1986...and by Troma, no less. Already this movie has three strikes against it.
Having said all that, this movie lives up to its curse. Hell, at 25 minutes in, there's a long shot of the microphone hanging from the ceiling during a horribly edited love scene. Long story short, Yvonne De Carlo of the Munsters fame stars as a jilted lover hell bent on revenge...with a dog. She trains the dog to go on a murder spree...a really dumb one. No, this isn't Cujo, and not really violent. All the deaths look like accidents, and there's an implied supernatural element via Satan, but it's never really forced. In the end, the dog kills pretty much everyone. In fact, he tries to kill Yvonne twice!
Ug, I need a better class of horror, but I think I've seen them already.
This is tougher than I thought....
Between my work schedual being all f-ed up, and breaking in a new cat, I've had a hell of a time keeping up with the Horrorfest. Needless to say, I have a lot of back logging to do, but not sure when I'll see the time.
I'n not throwing in the towel yet, however. More to come.
I'n not throwing in the towel yet, however. More to come.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Ug...French cinema...
Le Viol du Vampire, or The Rape Of The Vampire...
Of for the love of Christ... It should be known that the French ruined cinema long ago, and this is a prime example. Sure, it could be my bias; I hate the slutty phlegmy noises they call 'speaking French'. But simply put, they did to cinema what the Germans did to porn.
Regardless, this is the movie I picked, so I'll stick with it. First and foremost, I don't speak French, and my copy wasn't subbed. So, that led to a lot of guess work, and after 20 minutes, I stated making up my own dialog. I'm pretty sure mine was better. All I know is what I read on Wiki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rape_of_the_Vampire). Oddly enough, there's more to read than I thought there would be, and it's worth your time because I can't sum it up quite as well in the limited space we have.
I do know this, however....it blew, and I don't remember seeing any vampires. Just a bunch of frail, skinny, overly French twatwaffles running around doing nothing of consequence.
Wednesday: A story about a dog, and it's not friggin' Cujo.
Of for the love of Christ... It should be known that the French ruined cinema long ago, and this is a prime example. Sure, it could be my bias; I hate the slutty phlegmy noises they call 'speaking French'. But simply put, they did to cinema what the Germans did to porn.
Regardless, this is the movie I picked, so I'll stick with it. First and foremost, I don't speak French, and my copy wasn't subbed. So, that led to a lot of guess work, and after 20 minutes, I stated making up my own dialog. I'm pretty sure mine was better. All I know is what I read on Wiki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rape_of_the_Vampire). Oddly enough, there's more to read than I thought there would be, and it's worth your time because I can't sum it up quite as well in the limited space we have.
I do know this, however....it blew, and I don't remember seeing any vampires. Just a bunch of frail, skinny, overly French twatwaffles running around doing nothing of consequence.
Wednesday: A story about a dog, and it's not friggin' Cujo.
Monday, October 10, 2011
From the Made For TV files...
Stonehenge Apocalypse
I'm not really sure if it is truly a horror movie, but it wasn't a chick flick, and it really wasn't an action film, either. In hind-sight, it was a sci-fi made for TV film, but I was 15 minutes in before I realized it, so I stuck with it anyway. Besides, it wasn't half bad.
So, just like the title, this has eveything to do with Stonehenge. Long story short, it appears to be a machine of some sort. Someone activates it and naturally some unscientific crackpot is the only one to save the day. For a crappy TV movie, this wasn't too bad. It had lots of the cheap f/x you come to expect, but not near as cheesy as Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Though I will admit, I get the impression that this was ripped off of an internet fan-fic page.
Ok, so I missed the mark tonight, but I'll find something better for tomorrow.
I'm not really sure if it is truly a horror movie, but it wasn't a chick flick, and it really wasn't an action film, either. In hind-sight, it was a sci-fi made for TV film, but I was 15 minutes in before I realized it, so I stuck with it anyway. Besides, it wasn't half bad.
So, just like the title, this has eveything to do with Stonehenge. Long story short, it appears to be a machine of some sort. Someone activates it and naturally some unscientific crackpot is the only one to save the day. For a crappy TV movie, this wasn't too bad. It had lots of the cheap f/x you come to expect, but not near as cheesy as Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Though I will admit, I get the impression that this was ripped off of an internet fan-fic page.
Ok, so I missed the mark tonight, but I'll find something better for tomorrow.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Leviathan
Well that was mediocre. I'd like to attribute my lack of enthusiasm to the film being dated but I suspect it would have sucked if i saw it in '89, too. What's to say? Some minors stumble across a downed Russian boat, ingest some tainted hooch and become the lantern fish from hell. It's like "The Blob" meets "The Creature From The Black Lagoon" in the middle of the ocean with the Man Who Would Be Robocop and Winston Zeddemore.
Side note: Meg Foster is also in here. Damn her eyes are creepy.
Side note: Meg Foster is also in here. Damn her eyes are creepy.
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