Apollo 18
Damn it, another 'found
footage' creep fest.
This one starts out with
super secret talk about Apollo 18, a moon mission 'that never
happened'. And they're right, it never happened. You can't hide a
Saturn V launch, let alone the building process. But this is
movie-land and it's shoved in our faces with the assumption that
we're dumb and won't do any sort of deductive reasoning.
Anyway, two space yokels
reach the moon, and discover * gasp !* the Commies have put a
Cosmonaut up there as well....but with terrible results. The Rusky
is dead and noooobody had said anything about it, despite totally
knowing about it. Then the creepiness starts and we're treated to the
usual spooooky moving rocks, communications cut, items disappearing, and everyone being pigeon-holed.
And through this, we get a small and fleeting glance at the enemy:
Space Spiders. Really? Are you fucking.....that was the best you
could do?!? SPACE SPIDERS?!? Oh, let me clarify that....SPACE
SPIDERS THAT HIDE IN, OR ARE, SPACE ROCKS.
 |
| Eh...Walter Koenig once humped a 14,000 space MILF. |
So
now that we have that hammered out, it becomes dumb and in the end,
everyone dies. And really, I'm fine with that. Up until the space
spiders, it was a decent movie. That stupid little plot turd ruined
it for me, but I can't fully say “don't watch this” because it's
pretty decent. The pacing is near perfect, the acting is good, the F/X are
85% believable, and the only real complaint I have is with the sound.
They stuffed EVERY creepy little noise that suggested slithering,
creeping, and skittering into the background. Some of it helped
the atmosphere, but it was just a bit overdone. Actually, it was a
LOT overdone.
OK, my last film for 2014 is......
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