...A vapid piece of crap!!!

 90210 Shark Attack

...and the shark couldn't get there soon enough. An expedition for marine biologist students in Beverly Hills goes wrong. Mostly because there's not much marine biology in B-Hills, but also because of a 'shark'. But first, our list of potential, and preferred victims is as follows:

    The Horny-Tards. They think and act as a single unit. 

    The Nerdy Girl (she's really not)

    The Weirdo Girl (eh...she's moody and has a secret)

    The Film Maker (nobody will miss this luke warm milk sap)

    The Dork (uselessness second only the The Film Maker)

    The Teacher (I think she did porn in the 80s)

    Who really cares about the plot when the acting is this bad? Do you care there's a subplot to get Weirdo Girl to talk about some bad shark-related thing happened to her and her dad a couple of years ago? Do you care The Teacher is screwing The Film Maker? All of this is complete nonsense and is overshadowed by the fact that the movie is called 90210 Shark Attack...and it was 45 minutes before the fucking "shark" finally showed up! The movie is only 75 minutes, what the hell were they waiting for? You want to see the shark? OK....

It's always the moody ones

    What the hell is this, you might ask? Turns out The Weirdo Girl was cursed to be a morphing shark. You see that, right? This is the kind of budget where someone sold their Kia Sorento to finance the CGI. FFS, even late '90s Animorphs did a better job. 

    And with that floundering thud, we end Shark Week and move on to our final 5 films for this years list.

Sunday: Dos Equis...