Cocaine Cougar
Yes...this is a rip-off of Cocaine Bear. And I'm fine with this. We knew this was going to happen. The world (mostly just me) loves bad movies and every year I look forward to seeing just how dumb they can get. And this is no exception....
I'll be brief because this movie is brief, clocking in at 50 whole damn minutes: An L.A. County lab has lost track of one of it's black cougars. And what did the big kitty do as soon as it got out of prison? Score some damn Bolivian Marching Powder. Booger sugar. Blow. Flake. Tropical snow. You get the idea. Kitty likes it's coka!!!
Giant bulk of this movie is stock footage with dumb, ham-fisted action. Stars? You don't know anyone in this movie. But you know who's missing from this? A REAL cougar.
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| That look real to you? Of course not!!! |
Not only is it CGI, it's 1996 Transformers Beast Wars CGI. Ya know what? Fuckit, I'm calling it Cheetor from here on. As far as I'm concerned, Cheetor couldn't kill enough of these people to satisfy me. But worst of all? There was no ending! It just dropped off like a kid drops a toy they're no longer interested in. Just drop it on the floor and walk out the room. I would suggest the writers do a lot of drugs before starting on their next script. If they can stretch out House Shark for 112 minutes, why the hell couldn't they get at least 60 minutes out of this? Just throw whatever at that script, the crazier the better. It's not like we have high expectations on the quality of this film, the title alone being my proof.
Wednesday: Do women really still join sororities?
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