Next time, try conjuring up a plot, k?

 Ouija Shark

False. Advertising.

     Yeah, you read that right. Sharks and Ouija boards. And some damn fools made a movie out of it. But first let's talk about the movie poster: Nothing, and I mean NOTHING in that picture happened in the film. First, that was not the shark in the film. Below is a picture of the shark.

The realism is just astounding...if you're blind.

     Second, that was not the Ouija board used in the film. Third, there was never a lighthouse at any point in the film, and finally, nobody was as aesthetically hawt as what's presented in that picture. Nobody's wasitline was that of a boney waif that sniffs food for nourishment, and I don't want to insult anybody, but they were more 'realistic' builds and I'll just leave it at that.

     The baseline story is lady goes for a swim, finds a really cheaply made Ouija board and then meets other girlfriends to smash food and drink. She talks them into a séance, and that conjures the shark and people die, but not in a bloody way. Probably because there was no blood budget. Who the hell makes a horror film without a blood budget? Anyhoo, the woman that found the board has to go hunting, but not before putting on black leather to look like a total badass that got the entire wardrobe from Goodwill. Considering she's the one that started this whole mess....yeah, I'd say your ass better get out there and kicks some Ouija shark tail fin...dumbass...

Thursday: It's as plausible as, say, a movie about sharks in a winter ski resort....