O'er the Moors and Into the Woods

The Beast of Xmoor
2014

A scantily clad chick running through the woods is a generic opener for like 60% of all low budget horror and slasher flicks. Guess we know what caliber this will be...plus is stars no one you'd give a shit about. This season's off to a good start.

So basically our female lead Georgia is a wannabe krypto-investigative journalist, looking to bust open the beastie case of the century. She's dragged along her cameraman boyfriend to the middle of fuckall nowhere in England. Ireland? Who cares! They're looking for a panther that's supposedly loose on the moors, killing stuff. Fox, her possible sleazebag contact, lures them all the way out across the moor and into the woods - on the authority of meth head no less - where they discover the hunting ground of a different animal altogether.

Maybe I'm just jaded but I really wanted them all to just die. Georgia's boyfriend was an annoying bitch who whined and freaked out for most of his camera time - as did Georgia. Fox was the only one I liked, even though he totally tricked them into a serial rapist/killer's den, and then went limp-wristed when it was time to nut up.

The whole second half of the movie is them stumbling around in a dark FOREST trying to avoid the killer - who is inexplicably dressed like a beekeeper or fencer. Amazingly, they seems to keep circling back to the same areas even though aerial shots show the place is fucking massive. Somehow they manage to stay within rage of the 40-something camera they've set up to film the "cat" roaming.

There was some other weird stuff in this flick - like psycho ginger twins and a one-eyed girl - but mostly it just kind of sucked. I'm actually sorry that there was a survivor.