A movie for people that hate kids and need to justify that hate....

Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrafice

Ah, 1992. We had Eddie Bauer edition Ford Explorers, but no Photoshop.

     We return to Gatlin to find all the kids have already killed every adult and hid them in basements, cornfields. Really, they could have buried them, burned the bodies, crushed the bones, buried bones...you get the idea. Nope, just stick them down in the basement next to all the Christmas decorations and VHS tapes you will never use again because your VCR died 8 years ago and you never replaced it. Once the bodies are discovered (first scene, actually), the news crews descend upon the sleepy little crap-burg and start to wet themselves over all the carnage. That's when we meet our dysfunctional Father/Son team on the away to the scene. Father is a discredited reporter, and Son is just a shit-headed teen that hates his dad. There's a divorce and a crap-ton of other baggage there, but thankfully it doesn't take up much of the movie. As they start asking questions, they run into the owner of a B&B that has just taken on one of the murdering children as a foster. Um...if they knew the kids did it, why did they disperse them amongst the innocent population? With out any sort of investigation? Maybe interrogate some of kids? Nope, dump them into foster care and hope they don't get molested.

     As the story progresses, we also meet the new child-leader and he's just as preachy as Isaac was, but with a lot more goth to his attire. He rounds up the remaining kids, and sends them out to do his bidding. Which involved killing a lot of adults by locking them in a building during a town meeting and burning it down, and dropping a house on an old lady. But I shit you not, her last words were "Oh, what a world, what a world" while showing her legs sticking out from under the house. To clarify that, they included a scene from The Wizard of Oz in a horror movie about corn cult kids killing parents. Nice touch.

     The climax happens in the same way the first movie, with a mass in the middle of a corn field and some last minute thinking that leads a kid to getting chewed up in a combine. Poetic maybe? Whatever, the mouthy little goth-tard is dead and everyone drives off in a convertible Mustang.

Two scenes that annoy me: (1) 2 other reporters in a van get lost in a corn field and are killed by cornstalks and a wind storm. Nobody ever looks for them, nobody ever finds them, their corpses and van are still sitting there. What was the point of that scene? Why didn't anyone come looking for them? (2) What was all that crap about the moldy corn causing dementia? That plot line when nowhere, and was blown to pieces when we see this:

That's not moldy corn. That's...really bad rosacea.

Thursday: "Variety called it "a surprisingly funny B-movie spoof with a feminist edge." Uh-huh....