Never stop in small towns, and NEVER stop to help...

Children of the Corn

     Another classic from the '80s, based on a short story by Stephen King. This movie is what ruined peoples perceptions of the Great Plains, and unfairly condemned gingers. Or at least one by the name of Courtney Gains aka Malachi.

Serious. You will want to punch him. In the face, really hard.

     I'm not really worried about giving too much away since the movie is over 30 years old. If you haven't seen it yet, you probably won't. Unless you're me, who tracks this crap down. It's a compulsion of mine, in case you haven't figured that out by now.

     In a small Nebraska town named Gatlin, there's a crap ton of creepy kids that murder for blood. In the opening scene, they annihilate everyone in a small diner with poison, axes, and knives. We jump ahead 3 years, and it appears they extended that greeting to the entire town. There doesn't appear to be any adults left and the town has basically dropped off the face of the Earth. Our two protagonist, Burt and Vicky, are strolling down the highway on a road trip to someplace called California.  Suddenly, they hit a small child and think they killed him. Upon further investigation, it's revealed the kid died of stab wounds for trying to escape the creepy corn kids cult. From there, we're treated to a really boring 40 minute run up that very slowly tells the back story of what happened to all the adults. Seriously, that part is brutally boring. None of the back story really matters so skip ahead if you're trying to stay awake

     Eventually, we meet Isaac, and his enforcer, Malachi. They don't like adults, they don't like outsiders, and Burt and Vicky are gonna be sacrifices  for some sort of corn demon. Towards the end, said corn demon 'kinda' shows his face as he's dying in a fire. I always thought demons were somewhat immune that sort of thing since they were from Hell. Isn't that Hell's trademark? Fire and brimstone?

     Aside from the movie being dull, it's biggest crime was the terrible 3rd rate F/X when the demon shows up. They basically Ralph Bakshi'd it with rotoscoping and color filters. Hack job, even for a 1984 budget.

Exhibit A: Crap.

Exhibit B: YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY!!!

     Remember, Star Wars was released in '77, and the F/X were miles ahead of this film
Though not a terrible movie, it's dull partially because it LOOKS dull. The setting is all in Earth-tones like brown, light brown and medium brown. Brown...oh, there was a dull yellow car. When that's your atmosphere, it's guaranteed to be a bland experience.

Tuesday: Sensory Deprivation is soooooo '80s cliche.....