No One Brags About 6 Inches. No One.

Zombeavers
2014


Toxic medical waste that fell off a truck mutates a bunch of beavers into the walking scurrying dead. It should be noted that the waste canister (which looked like a beer keg) traveled all the way downstream of a river filled with rocks, but sprung a leak when it hit a twig on a beaver dam.

Dun dun daaaa. Cue noxious college students.

Three Heathers are getting away from it all at a cabin in the woods, when their dude-bro BFs crash the party. Commence over-the-top sex scenes complete with one dude screaming, "I feel like a Power Ranger!" What does that even mean? Who says that? Also, I'm pretty sure this was said by the dude who's girlfriend was bragging that he had a 6" penis - a scene truly written by no woman ever. Have a seat, Green Ranger.

Seriously, the best thing about this was the end credits track. Otherwise, it was expected: whack-a-beaver, beaver/vagina jokes, felled trees, people werezombeavering, marginally good looking dudes with hot girls, sequel setups. Although, I will say this: there's not a whole lot of places you can hide from a zombie rodent. We're truly fucked if that ever happened.

On to the next...