Legend of the 7
Golden Vampires
I remember Dennis Miller once saying (paraphrasing) “you bust
your ass and work as hard as you can, but at the end of the day, fuck
it. It's just a vampire hooker movie”. And that kinda sums this
turd up. It's not really bad, just some scenes are boring, and the
premise is...well, this is going to sound weird coming from me, but
it's laughable. And they really try their best to be serious about it
which might explain Peter Cushing's presence. But still...Vampire
Kung-Fu movie from 1974. And Peter said 'Hells yeah. Sign my ass!
Tell that Locust or Lucas or whatever the hell his name is to sit and
spin. I'm doing a classic. Oscar-city, bitches!!!”
To sum up the storyline, a crazy Buddhist monk enlists the help of Drac to wake up 7 Golden Vampire so they can do vampire stuff. I think. I don't know, it was a little confusing and I wasn't really paying attention. Honestly, that was one of the worst Drac's I've ever seen. Christopher Lee must have been busy helping Vinnie Price move that weekend so we're treated to a benign twit filling a cape.
Anyway, the G-Vamps go on rampages and a family of kung fu experts ask for the help of Van Helsing, aka Peter Cushing. Yeah, get the old white guy with little fighting expertise to help destroying 7 bloodthirsty vampires. I'm sure he's a valuable asset to the team.
 |
| My sister-in-law sells Mary Kay. |
And while we're on the subject of Peter Cushing, I would like
to note that aside from Star Wars, having him in a movie is a
guarantee to some very slow and boring scenes. He's just not a very
engaging actor despite his classic training. And NOT ONCE did I see him do a flying kick. Lame.
Monday: I've been told it's one of the worst of the worst. I'll be the judge of that.
No comments:
Post a Comment