Tuesday, October 11, 2022

The Unnecessarily Long Movie Title That Almost Appears To Be A Run-On Sentence.

 The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies



     Lazy hip-katz head to an amusement park for some good old fashion 'fun'.  The idiot trio decides to have their fortune read. It didn't go so well, and eventually one of the lazy idiots ditches his girlfriend to watch the least naked stripper I've ever seen. For nearly 15 minutes, we're subjected to song and dance numbers by a wannabe Patsy Cline. WHY?!? It's so misplaced! Then our dumb lazy anti-hero is hypnotized and they finish up just in time for another fucking musical number. Next thing you know, he's become the least convincing murder and kills the wannabe. Fine, I don't care. I hate ALL of these people. They're lame and boringANDOHFUCKINGLOOK, ANOTHER DAMN MUSICAL NUMBER!!! This isn't a fucking Elvis movie, damn it! Where's the fucking zombies? This isn't a horror movie, this is Star Search! Get off the stage, you Gong Show reject!

Congrats. You sprayed a mask with spray-foam and painted it. So scary...

     Anyhoo, our lazy Jughead fanboy confronts his hypnotizer about this bad memory and that only leads to more hypnotism and a murder spree. When he returns, he's treated to a hero's return by getting acid thrown in his face. She tried to put him in the closet, but a horde of zombies escape (oh, THERE'S the damn zombies) and kills her and her accomplice dead. In the end, nearly everyone is shot by the cops and this dumb musical is over.

2 Things I learned:

There's a reason MST3K bombed this movie (I refuse to say 'riffed')

There's a reason the director/main character spent the 70s and 80s filming porn

Wednesday: More Nippon Madness...

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