Keep this up, Nick, and I'll forgive you for Ghost Rider 2....

Mandy

    NickCage and his author/artist wife live the quiet life in the woods, doing nothing to hurt anyone. They both seem to have scars and would like to be left alone. Then some pissant cultist has love at first sight upon seeing NickCage's wife. According to him, he's empty without her. This is all strange considering he's never actually talked to her. One toot from the Horn of Abraxas, and a demonic biker gang shows up to do his bidding: Steal the girl. And they do!

    They proceed to dose her with LSD and a gigantic wasp sting chaser! The trip goes smoothly, till the cult leader tries to seduce her with full frontal. She laughed at his small weiner and he got really really really embarrassed and burned her alive while making NickCage watch. So yeah, he's a dick. But this is a NickCage movie... you know what happens next....

M   U   R   D   E   R   D   E   A   T   H   K   I   L   L 

     This is where the movie transforms from a moody trip to a goddamn psychotic murder fest, with our hero, NickCage, unleashing hell on the biker gang. 

     Turns out they're no match for a coked-up, half drunk NickCage (even though he's a little clumsy). After the gang is dispatched, it's on to the cultists. The brutality was lovely and there's nobody that could dish it out like NickCage. For once, a protagonist we deserve...not some stupid horny college co-ed idiot.

   Overall, it's a sad, moody, psychedelic revenge flick that almost splits personalities half way through and features an ancillary character in a TeeVee commercial that vomits mac 'n' cheese on children (he's called the Cheddar Goblin, and he's got more cheese than the other brands, bitches!).

Given his recent resume (Color Out Of Space, Willys Wonderland, Pig, and Mandy), it's nice to see NickCage doing NickCage movies. Really, I can't wait to see what's next...

Wednesday: When Holidays collide...