....mmmmmaybe grab some snacks and something to drink because I've got 31 awesome terrible horror movies to watch over the month of October 2021. Yes, you'll notice the late start, but that's because of the most realistic horror movie of them all, LIFE. Anythoo, I've got my list and I'm starting off with....
Willy's Wonderland
Oh how I missed Nick Cage when he did movies like this. When he didn't care as much about bankability as he did being in a cool movie. To me, Face/Off was his shark to jump, and jump he did. Then he did a string of bad 'good' movies and he settled to the bottom...and also nearly went broke. Now, it appears he's hungry again and thankfully dropped this steaming pile of fucking awesome in our laps. I'm damn proud of him....
True, the plot is thin and videogame based: Speeding down the road in a bitchin' Camero, our hero runs over a set of tire spikes and has to be towed by a redneck local that treats meat sticks like cigars. I waited for 90 minutes for him to light that beef stick, but I was let down. He's given the repair estimate and told that to help with the bill, he could do maintenance at a local child's amusement facility, Willy's Wonderland. All he has to do is an overnight stint and he'll have his car in the morning. Little does he know that this facility is housing some animatronic 'animals' that are haunted by a suicide cult of former employees, including the former owner, and they need blood or souls to be placated. The whole town is in on it and they feed them randoms like our nameless hero so they don't murder the whole town. Like I said, 'thin'. Helping him (sorta) is a group of young residents that are aware of the pact and want to bring it down. Spoiler, they're all stupid and only one survives, along with our hero. Super thin. Our hero fights off each and every one to the robot soul harvesters between breaks, and does an amazing job cleaning up the place. It really isn't much more complicated then that. But watching it....fun as hell. Old Nick Cage is back and if he spent the rest of his life doing films like this, he'd die a winner. However...
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| There's no fucking way... |
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| ...I'd ever have stepped foot... |
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| Into this creepy fucking half-assed Showbiz Pizza with entertainment-bots that looked like this. |
Fun fact, Nick never utters a single word throughout this movie. And his breaks are far more important then helping anyone in need:
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| "Here to kick ass and.....ehm.... |
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| "oh snap...um...sorry..." |
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| "...breaktime. Be back in 5" |
Saturday: Nothing stops bingo night. NOTHING......
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