Bingo Is Hell...

 Bingo Hell

    Don't fuck with old people and their bingo night. Never do that....

     Lupita is a elderly resident in a neighborhood in the mid-throws of gentrification. She really doesn't like how the new coffee shops & microbrews are starting to move in and how the young people follow. Her group of friends, also getting old, are just living day to day, in the ever changing landscape of their 'hood. All seem to have a bit of animosity towards the path their neighborhood is going, but none so much as Lupita. When we're introduced to her, she's clearly moving towards becoming damn near militant and that's just what happens when you get old. Things change, the golden years are behind you, and you react negatively to said change despite the fact that a new golden age may be upon you, just not your generation. Basically, you're getting old and you refuse to adapt like the Golden Girls did. Personally, I feel they did it right and Lupita is failing and displaying her steadfast resistance and subsequent ignorance. But then....someone fucked with her bingo parlor, and that's when the flip of the switch happens.....

A new bingo parlor opens and promises huge riches with almost no risk. It's a bad business model, and Lupita smells a rat. The rat in question is an out of towner with teeth that he's super proud of.

I want to call him Capt.Woodchipper

   

    It turns out this new bingo parlor owner is very clearly evil. He offers riches and death. Everyone who wins the jackpot dies a horrible death. Well how the hell did you think this story was going to go?!?

     After a couple of her friends die, it's time for Lupita to correct things....with a boom stick.

"Take that, you bastard bingo parlor owner!!!"

     If you expected some comedic movie with doddering old people placed in an extraordinary situation, you, much like me, were mistaken. What you get is a horror movie that takes itself a little too serious and flounders. Badly. No silly scenes, not witty one-liners....just people with a-typical home lives and ends with the same pile of rubble that it started out with. The only new additions would be a couple of new blood and green slime splatters. I'll chalk this one up as a missed opportunity.

Sunday: Oh shit, finals on a small midwestern college in the early '80s?!?! That's totally harsh, man...