The D stands for "DORKY"

Friday the 13th Part 3-D

     3D films have been tried sooo many times and it seems to be on a 20 year cycle. It's heavily marketed, and quickly goes into hibernation till some dip-shit with no sense of history try's to make it the next big thing...again. Here's a terrible example of when it was tried in the '80s.

FFS! YOU CAN SEE THE STRING!!!

     Hot on the heels of the last film, we meet another group of horny young people headed to a cabin by the lake....yes, THAT lake. The same lake that should have been evacuated and razed  years ago. Right from the start, I'm rooting for Jason. These people are stupid and dull. The only stand out character is the chubby dork because a hell of a lot more people can relate to him than any of these other twats. But even he's annoying because right from the start he shows his inferiority complex in relation to his physical appearance. Lighten up, guy!

     Aside from the shlocky jump-scare screen-poking for the "3D" effect, this movie is a nothing. Just another 'killer stalking prey' marathon. Nothing new has been presented other than Jason FINALLY putting on his trademark hockey mask.  I'd also like to note that the guys NEVER survive Jason or his mother. It's always a woman. Girl power!

Toxie?!?

     Kills: Meat cleaver to chest, stick to throat, pitchfork to throat, pitchfork to chest, machete to head, fishing arrow to the eye, machete to crotch, knife to the back, knife to throat, electrocution, hot poker to stomach, head squishing, and axe to head

That mask offers NO protection.

Saturday: If it has chicks or chainsaws, you're going to have problems...amirite, guys?!?

Credit: Mark Knight.