Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Oh so NOW the Feds want to get involved....

Jason Goes To Hell : The Final Friday
aka #9



     Hawty undercover FBI agent lures Jason into a trap by getting naked. Which honestly, is a pretty good plan. They completely annihilate him in an ambush so it was really more of a assassination. Jason is blown to bits and they could really just end the movie there. But no, we've got another hour and twenty minutes to go.


     While performing the autopsy on the bits and pieces left over, Jason's still beating heart possesses a man who then quickly devours it. When you've run out of ideas to bring him back, just rely on the vague and ambiguous.

nomnomnomnom


     After taking the pathologist for a test drive, we meet our next group of victims making thier way to Camp Blood, aka Crystal Lake. Everybody knows the stories but they keep coming like some dumb horny suicide cult. They're quickly dispatched and Jason decided it's time to change bodies. He does so by...um...spitting some sort of dark mouth turd into the hosts mouth. Non of this is making sense to me. From the start they introduced Steven Williams as some wandering bounty hunter that's got full insight and know's that Jason is possessing bodies. His character is annoying and useless even after he explains what's going on. But that's the problem with this movie! You get overloaded with details and plot turns. There's so many other things going on that I don't care about. Why would you ever make a Jason movie with some sort of deep plot? Stick to slashing, not fucking magic daggers or parasites! Enough of this, I'm sure the next one will be back on track...

Deaths by: Probing, slashing, long spikey thing through the back, knife to back, post possession melting, really hard smack to the face, fryer drowning, chin jam, reverse spearing w/head crush, and a lot more implied deaths that might just be concussions. Hard to say.

Thursday: The title is VERY misleading....


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