Tuesday, October 16, 2018

New mask, same 'ol machete....

Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning


     Nobody truly thought it was over with the 4th film, but they didn't even wait a year before starting on the next one.

     Technically, Mr. C. Feldman, Esq, is only in the opening sequence of the film. It features a couple of bro-tards digging up Jason's grave and Mr. Feldman watches in horror as the idiots are opened up by our machete-wielding hero. Corey then wakes from the nightmare and it's revealed that time has passed and Corey has grown up to look a lot like John Shepherd. Tommy, as he's called in the movie, has been admitted to a metal halfway house. Colorful group of people that remind you of The Breakfast Club, and I want every one of them to die. EVERY character is a bit over the top and annoying.

Pop and Lock, Violet!

      But fear not! It's kill-stalking time! This time, however, we don't now who's doing it! Jason's dead and cremated, and the first kill was one of the patients taking an axe to the back of another out of rage. This new killer is a mystery that's revealed in the end to be....the fucking ambulance driver? A total fucking random? Seeking revenge for the first kid getting an axe to the back? That's what I'm treated to AFTER what could have been a great chainsaw vs machete fight? This one bombed in the theaters, but I'm sure it was fatigue that caused that. Fun fact, they released 8 films in 10 years. That's more of a B-movie assembly line. Burnout was inevitable.

You don't think people would tire of this scene? It's always raining when Jason's out.

     Deaths include: Axe to back, road flare to mouth, machete to throat, axe to head, axe to chest, machete to stomach, hedge trimmers to the eyes, skull crush by leather strap, spear to the back, decapitation by meat cleaver, meat cleaver to forehead, another cleaver to head, impaled with machete (x 2),  rail road spike to head, and bead of rusty spikes.

Wednesday: Life's just easier when your occupation is on your t-shirt...

Yummy!!

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