Attack Of The
Vegan Zombies
God, the levels I
stoop to. A wife turns to her occult mother to help boost her
husbands failing vineyard. It helps to have a wiccan mother.
Naturally the fallowing year is a bumper crop and some idiotic co-eds
are hired to help pick grapes. 2 completely over the top geek-nerds,
and 2 bargain bin blondes. The vineyard's good fortune is noticed by
the other local farmers during a bad season. One of the neighbor
farmers decides to sneak a sample out and is attacked by the vine.
I'm not making that up. I guess they have a taste for blood and start
eating people or something. It's not really made clear and I don't
think I care. As the vines continue to grow out of control and make
it impossible for people to leave the vineyard, other people start
disappearing and the wife starts owning up to what she had her mother
do. I'd like to note at the one hour mark, NO FUCKING ZOMBIES
YET.....
After being
trapped indoors, the vines start to move into the house and take over
the body of one girl....that they painted green. That's all they did
for makeup. Green paint. Green paint means zombie? Green paint means
zombie if you're a broke-ass budget. In fact, I'm pretty sure the
highest expenditure was for the gallon of green paint used sparingly
on 4 or 5 of the local talent that showed up for the casting. There's
no way they could have recruited for this film. Alley Sheedy and
Molly Ringwald aren't doing much right now. You could have gave them
a call. Hell, you could have rounded up ¾ of the Brat Pack on a
tight budget and turn this pile of shit into a piece of crap!
Saturday: One
more turd to fish out of the punch bowl....
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