Charlie Sheen AND Randy Quaid?!? That's too much crazy for one film...

The Wraith

    ...but then again, this was BEFORE they went crazy in their own separate and unique ways.
   
     A long time ago, they used to make horror movies about killer cars. Literally,  cars that would hunt you down and kill you. Christine, The Car, and the better half of the Maximum Overdrive cast. And if you dig deep enough into the '80s,  you'll find this gem.

     I guess in the '80s, there were roaming bands of 'race for pink slips' bandits. They force you into a race for the title of your car. I don't know how that actually works, because nobody drives around with the title to their car in the glove compartment. Somehow, this dime-store cowboy wannabe tool is the ring leader of this merry band of idiots. From the first time you see him, you know he's going to be the final boss. And trust me, you want him and everyone that hangs around him to die in the most violent way possible. Despite his best Eraserhead impression, even poor Clint Howard. The good news? You pretty much get that.

In case you're wondering, yes, that's a wing.

      Shortly after learning who you're supposed to hate, a shirtless, yet denim jacket-clad Charlie Sheen wanders into the scene to show everyone his knife scars. And finally, the real star shows up in the form of this car:

And there's also some dude dressed like an emo space pirate murder machine.

     The majority of this film is about dying in road races, and clearly this is a revenge film. Every time someone dies in a race, a metal brace disappears from the emo spaceman's..uh...space suit? There is clearly a supernatural element to this story, and I guess it works. We really weren't worried about realism in the '80s. Anyhoo, there's lots of death and explosions and one ironic scene where the emo space dude takes a fancy shotgun to a garage and shoots the hell out of everything BUT the bad guys that were in it. I guess he'd much rather plow his car into them instead.

Shotguns are for stripping paint, not shaping body panels, dummy!

     There's a lot of '80s cheese in this movie, but it's still not bad.  They also do everything they can to make you hate Nick Cassavetes's character to the point of being let down when he finally dies in a ball of fire and car parts. I'm not really worried about ruining this film for you by revealing spoilers. It was made in 1986. You had over 30 years to see it.

Monday: Over the hump in Sequel Hell...