The Future is the Past and the Past is Yesterday, which is the day after Tomorrow. I think. Not really sure anymore....

Retro Puppet Master (aka #7)

     You know? For someone that started out this series dead, Toulon sure seems to be showing up an awful lot. He's in every movie so far. I get it with Freddy, Jason, and that stupid Leprechaun. But this guy is getting a lot of mileage out of the deal and there's no end in sight. Sooo.....

     This entire film is a flash back. Toulon tells the puppets a story from his youth and the only thing missing is the wavy lines signaling the transition. But, the title clearly says “RETRO Puppet Master”, so I was properly warned.

By 'Retro', I mean 'Make everything look olde'

     Simply put, this is another origin story for Andre Toulon, the maker of the puppets. This time, we go much farther back as he meets a 3000 year old Egyptian wizard or Jedi that passes on his knowledge of things and stuff. The Egyptian is also on the run from three humble mummified servants of Sutekh (Mr. Nipples). Along the way, Toulon meets his future wife, defeats the servants (whom ALL look like Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit), and everyone lives happily ever after...until Nazi's kill his wife and he eats his gun. But all that violence happens in the future past forward backwards thingy...I don't know, it's all messed up. Out of the 7 I've watched so far, 4 of the movies seem to take place within a month of the prior sequel. This was no different, as Toulon starts to tell his olde story while he's still trying to flee the Nazis. This takes place just after the events in #3, and as I established before, 4 & 5 were the same movie. My head is spinning, but there's light at the end of the tunnel as we only have 2 left.

     OH, and on a side noted? Dear GOD, the acting is horrid! When they were putting on a puppet show, even the voice acting was stiff and awkward! They read it like it was rehearsed twice and then it was go-time. And why does young Toulon speak with an accent? Up until now, he's played by an old man that has NO accent. Suddenly, he's a young French lad wearing silly dinner jackets and mispronouncing every other word. So it's official, we've hit our downward spiral after peaking with #5. Not bad, really. Some started with the first sequel.

Tuesday: Well, the title seems simple enough..