#31, please step forward....

Saturday the 14th

Nowhere in this film does any of these things happen. This movie poster is a LIE!!!

    Another throwback from the early '80s, I 'kinda' remember this movie on HBO and I thought it was funny but I never got to see the whole thing.  I was also about 8 and thought the Smurfs were pretty boss. So much for nostalgia...

     We meet John and his wife Mary at a will reading. Someone died and they won a house! Oh, and it's cursed. They also have kids and a dog making them the prototypical Reagan era nuclear family.

     As they move into the new old house, we find another couple wanting to buy it, at any cost. They're willing to do just about anything to get that damn house, or more importantly, a book inside. They're vampires, by the way...just thought I'd throw that in there. It's clear right from the start that house is indeed cursed and it all centers on that book. So off to the wacky races we go, trying to get that book. One surefire method was to give the wife Mary a big ol vampire kiss on the neck so that he could control her and force her to retrieve the book for them.  Throughout the movie, she slowly starts to show signs of becoming a vampire but the fatal flaw is now that she's becoming a vamp, she can't touch the book. Well thought out plan, dork.

    Then VanHellsing shows up acting as an exterminator when a bat shows up in the attic, and of course all hell starts to break loose with monsters showing up in tubs, closets, refrigerators, etc....

     Did I mention this was a comedy? What a difference 30+ years makes because I think I chuckled once throughout the film. Horror comedies have been around since the first horror films, but this one didn't even try! Even all 5 Scary Movies were funnier to watch. ALL OF THEM. This was a stinker and I waited all month to see it. As usual, I wanted a light or fun movie on the last day, and thought this would be perfect. I was wrong. It was dumb. And I'm done.

That's right! I'm out of movies! 31 in a row, and I think for the first time ever, no interruptions!

But I'm tired of movies.  I'm going to go read a damn book or something