Why must everything in Britain be so damn greasey.

Xtro

This is a lie. You never really see the spaceship.

    A typically British father and his painfully British son are playing in the yard when suddenly everything goes dark, and a bright light shines overhead. I guess it's a ship. All I know is it's really really bright and annoying. Dad has been abducted and we skip ahead 3 years. Mother has shacked up with a Yank, Jr is having problems coping, and nobody believed him when the explained what happened to his dad.

     But suddenly, dad shows back up after some hilarious hijinks that included being a monster, killing an innocent couple after they stopped to see what they hit with their car along a quiet road (it was him), impregnating a poor, unsuspecting woman, and then birthing from her minutes later. Ever wanted to see a woman give birth to a full grown man? It's not pretty. And if that new mother isn't dead, she'll wish she was.

    While old dad is trying to piece together what happened as he has supposedly lost his memory of all events, I would think he'd remember being a monster, killing people, and re-birthing, but hey, this is British cinema!  That means shit becomes freaky! Starting with dad eating his son's snake eggs, and when his son sees him doing this, he runs away. However, dad catches up with him, talks him down and then bites him. Sooo...he's a space vampire? Seems like I've seen this before...

    Anyhoo, after that questionable intimate moment between father and son, son starts to exhibit some strange powers. Dad reassures him and he'll eventually gain full control. Soo...yeah, it's another space vampire. Then things get really weird and really British when the son creates a friend in full clown makeup to do his bidding. His bidding was simple: murder the neighbor lady, murder the aupair, and murder her boyfriend. Oh, and create a black panther. I still have no idea why the cat was there.

    In the meantime, dad and mother head a cottage in the country (where the abduction first took place) to help jog some memories. I'm not sure why the hell her boyfriend thought that was cool, but he eventually comes to his senses and drives to the cottage, dragging Jr. along. When dad meets boyfriend, he makes his ears bleed by making a loud noises? I'm not sure, but blood started pouring out of her ears and the father and son run off to another huge, geometric light in the sky. Presumably, to be with their alien buddies. Mom's left standing in the middle of a field with nothing left....

...till she goes home and finds the alien eggs that Jr and clownboy were incubating in the fridge. One explodes in her face and she dies. And there's that damn panther again...

Sunday: This one's not over yet...