Monday, October 6, 2014

Insert tired and unoriginal Ozzy Osbourne drug joke here

Black Sabbath

     This is a lower budget Italian production (though in complete English) starring a bunch of people I've never seen before save for Boris Karloff. It's an anthology of 3 short stories. According to Wiki, the US version was much more sanitized than the international version, meaning references to lesbianism were removed as well as a lot of gore. This being because in the US, the target audience was young teens whereas the international crowd was adult. So that being said, let's begin


The Drop Of Water
     A greedy tart steals the ring off the corpse of a elderly woman. For her immoral crime, she becomes haunted by the sound of dripping water (scary!), an annoying fly (deadly!), and visions of the elderly woman corpse chillin' in her rocking chair, posthumously of course. In the end, her last vision is that of the corpse choking her to death, while in truth she was choking herself.

The Telephone
     Ug...creepy phone torture. A high-end call girl receives a series of disturbing phone calls from her one-time pimp who's SUPPOSED to be dead. She naturally freaks and calls in an old friend for help. The old 'friend' drugs her ass up and puts her to bed while she makes plans to consult a shrink about her hysteria. In the end, the 'long dead' pimp shows up for real and creates one of the most awkward reunions I've seen in a while. People get all stabby and chokey and the only one to survive (rightfully) is the call-girl who had NOTHING to do with these shenanigans. This...this is why I have so few friends.

The Wudalak
     Boris Karloff, a big-daddy in the classic horror biz, has his moment in the spotlight with the final feature. I should note it's also the longest. And the most boring. And the most talky. And the worst. Simply put, Boris is Gorka, a newly minted Russian vampire terrorizing his family. Or something like that. It was 40 minutes of dull, incomprehensible crap. I watched it and still have no idea what the hell was going on. I completely checked out. I guess I'm thankful it wasn't a full length feature.

     I can't say this was a bad film, and usually I like anthologies. However, this film's biggest legacy is being the inspiration for the band of the same name. Not for being an amazing horror film.


Tuesday: I can't wait to meet her pimp....

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