Transylvania 6-5000

     This will be the ONLY Jeff Goldblum film in this year's horror run. And with any luck, it'll be the last movie I ever see with Ed Begley Jr. EVER. Both play straight men in this film and that may be too much. Everyone else was is much more entertaining. Carol Kane and Michael Richards nearly steal the show and Geena Davis gives me that 'special' feeling. Her part is pretty lame, so I'm guessing it's all the side boob she's displaying.

     The plot is fairly simple: These two dorks go to Transylvania to investigate a cheesey "real" Frankenstein video. They work for a tabloid, and this is right up their alley. The townspeople humor them but they're also hiding the truth. The truth being that Joe Bologna isn't the monster creator that everyone thinks he is. He's actually a rehabilitative surgeon as revealed in the end, but it's a lot of work getting there. As per most wacky '80s comedies, there's rampant silliness at the end and as usual, it's half baked. Wolf-man has a hair growth issue, Frankenstein has had reconstructive surgery after a car accident left him a mess, some lady dressed up as a mummy got serious plastic surgery and “bazonkers”. That means she got bigger boobs. Geena Davis's part has her as as a vampire, when in actuality, she's just awkward about her self image. Nowadays, we call people that dress and act like that “goth” and “annoying self-absorbed jerk-ass”. But hey, I'm jaded.

     This is one of those movies I've wanted to see since 1985, but never really made the effort. Now I've seen it and I feel a little underwhelmed.. But it's not a complete loss:

SIDEBOOB!!!!!

Wednesday: I can already tell this is going to be a stinker...