In Name Only....

Xtro 3

     Some military dork meets with a reporter to tell his story about the government cover-up of aliens on a small island that was long forgotten. His mission was to take a squad of fuck-ups to the island and diffuse bombs/mines left over from WWII. While searching for mines, they uncover a  lot of strange items including human remains. This being an Xtro movie means stupid aliens are involved. The alien had been encased in a concrete vault, but our idiot protagonists cracked it open and freed the alien. Naturally, the alien starts butchering everyone. At this point, I'd normally root for the alien, but it's literally a dummy. Not a guy dressed up, just a mannequin...or alieninequin? Oh, it also has a electrified lasso tongue, vomits gooey web from its mouth, and can go into a chameleon mode (totally NOT ripping off Predator).

Scary stuff

     This is a pointless movie. The only thing this film has in common with its predecessors is aliens. I watched this simply because I'm compelled to finish out a franchise, no matter how bad (see: Evil Bong). The story sucked, F/X sucked, and not even Tom Hank's younger brother could help the shitacular acting. When you can't act like you're smoking a pot pipe despite probably having used one hundreds of times in real life...you know you've got problems. Yet somehow, they managed to stretch this turd out for 96 minutes. And somehow I sat through all of it. I'm beginning to think I'm some sort of bad movie masochist.

Sunday: Please don't mess this one up....