Thursday, October 3, 2019

It's like watching plain yogurt.....

The Rift: Dark Side Of The Moon





     An American spy satellite crash lands in Serbia, so the CIA activates an agent in Belgrade who hooks up with an American agent named Agent Smith. A 'scientist' and another Serbian local team up and head to the countryside to find the super-sensitive satellite. Once our quartet reaches the crash site, they can't seem to find any crash. Then some old asshole shoots at the group and turns it into a trio. After fallowing the signal to the missing satellite, they find a space suit that they can't open and things just get even more weird...

     So we have to jump back to the mid 70's when we were still going to the moon. Actually, the program stopped in '72 with Apollo 17 (you'd be surprised how many people think we only went there once), but for this movie, they did it secretly for a couple of more years. Anyhoo, one of moon walkers finds a spatial rift and is sucked into it. That rift transported the astronaut to 2016 Serbia, generating the crashed satellite signal. So things really came round full circle. Then some 2-bit nihilist zombies start running around and no matter how many times you 'kill' them, they keep waking up. I'm sure that's a fun party trick. After that, Agent Smith starts chopping heads off and it all falls apart after that.

    What I hate the most about movies like this is they're boring to review. The acting, story, sound, and visuals are just good enough to keep me from groan-mocking, but still not a good enough movie to call underrated. I can't make fun of it, I can't get a 'wow' factor out of it. It's lame, but not boring. It'st just a thing that I watched for 90 minutes and I'm now moving on with my life.

Friday: "The windy man, the long mover!!!"

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