I guess it's that time of the year again...

VHS: Viral

     I swear, it's the only 'found footage' movie this year. I have to admit I liked the other 2 films, so might as well round it out. Or maybe it's my mild OCD that won't allow me to leave a franchise series hanging. Either way, once more down the rabbit hole. I thought that since this was named and not numbered, it might be a full length feature, but it's not. It's just another 3 stories with a 4 serving as a bumper wrap around.

Everyone seems to lose a limb in this movie. No foolin'.

     The first up is 'Dante The Great'. It's about a magician that finds a magic cloak that will do his bidding, as well as magic tricks. The problem is, it needs to eat people to work. It's more of a 'Tales From The Crypt' episode with a 'jumper' scare scene in the end.

     'Parallel Monsters' is up next. We have a home-brew scientist that creates a portal to a parallel universe and meets himself. They agree to swap places for 15 minutes. All we learn is every male in the 'new' universe has a hairy teeth-laden Muppet hand for a penis and the ladies had some mini abdominal tentacle thing going on.. It also has teeth. There isn't much to go from there.

     Rounding things out is 'Bonestorm”. Three asshole skate borders and a hired cameraman go down Mexico way to totally film some dope skating, yo. They think they're pretty bad-ass, but ahem...most skaters I've met were NOT gun toting bad-asses. They talked shit, but weren't tough guys. Anyhoo, they wander into a municipal drainage area and end up fighting Mexican Zombie-like things that more resemble dia de los muertos cos-players.

"Go back to Comicon, loser!!!"

 This all happened because they spilled some blood within a sacred pentagram and circle drawn on the concrete. EVERYONE KNOWS TO STAY OUT OF THE GOD DAMN CIRCLE AND STAR, IDIOT!!! 2 ended up getting butchered, but 2 survived...damn it...There was some weird beast unleashed from the drainage tunnels as well, but it was a pretty useless inclusion. It left me feeling like this wasn't a finished story. But I'm done with it...

     Oh, and the bumper story isn't even worth mentioning. This was whole movie was a huge disappointment, and that's sad because I was looking forward to it. Somehow the F/X got cheesy and the stories became just terrible, thin-skinned hack jobs that I have to assume they let the interns write....ah....right. It's the 3^rd movie in a series and that's when the franchise usually start to fall apart or become horribly weak. Damn, I see it now. I think you pretty much know what to look forward to from here on....

Saturday: More '80s cinematic torture...