Dragons don't time-travel, bro!

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds

"My sword has people with swords on it!"

     So Uwe's back with another crapfest, this time starring Dolph Lundgren. I like Dolph for his “I can star in a cinematic classic or low budget B-movie turd. I don't really care” attitude. It's refreshing. The first film had a budget of $60+ million. This has a budget of around $4.5mil. This means that Uwe is back in familiar territory.

     The movie starts out in modern times, with Dolph working as a self defense teacher. After a long day of not teaching his students much, he heads home to draw a bath and soak his aching war weary bones. Sadly, before he has the chance he's ambushed & subsequently sucked into a time warp to the past. There he meets a greasy king wearing a terrible wig telling him of prophecy's and similar nonsense. The point is, Dolph has to kill a lot of people for the king and he seems OK with that. He meets new people, they try to kill him. He kills some more people and there's a dragon. Yes, you read that right: A real dragon in the medieval times. A giant gaping plot hole that Uwe is famous for. Anyhoo, in the end he is transported back to his own time and kills the hygiene deprived king in his own bathtub. And that's' it. Thin as hell, but I've come to expect this out of Mr. Boll's cinematic mulligans. Truth be told, however, this wasn't as bad as the first one. For one, you could understand and hear everything coming out of Dolph's mouth. In the first film, I had trouble hearing Statham and eventually just assumed he was grunting his way through the movie. After all, if his dialog was that good, he'd have spoken up, right? Predictable acting from Dolph and let's be honest: he's not that great, but he is tolerable. Most everyone in the film did a better job than him, but fuck them because he's Dolph Lundgren.

One more to go. This might not hurt as bad as the Puppet Master movies....