Doll Shark
Some dipshit standing in front of a green screen acting bad at acting professes his hate for a demon shark. So he kills it, and steals a tooth for his son. The shark laughs at him menacingly as it escapes. The dipshit is NOT a good shark killer. The father, not having EVER seen a horror movie in his entire life, puts the shark tooth inside a stuffed animal shark and sends it to his son for his birthday gift. Demon Sharkularity ensues and naturally, it starts killing everyone but the kid. I would like to note that a stuffed animal is NOT doll. And a very NOT scary one at that. Once the fluffy shark is defeated, dear daddy took the tooth out of the toy...and threw it back into the ocean because HE'S STILL COMPLETELY IGNORANT TO HORROR MOVIE RULES. Damn it, what'd you do that for?!? Nobody wants a sequel to this shart of a film! And that's how sequels happen!!!
So this is how I end Shark Week®? Another shit-show featuring grown-ass adults getting killed by a stuffed animal? Another bad example of shark CGI? I love sharks in implausible situations, but I need more than a cool title and badass movie poster. Maybe a story not put together by the local convince store clerks and community theater rejects? Maybe it's time for a new animal theme...
Sunday: The final 3
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