Wednesday, October 4, 2017

One more from the VHS Rental store

Chopping Mall

AGAIN--->Nothing depicted in this poster happens in the movie

     Walking down the hallowed rows of VHS tapes in the local rental store, you were sure to see this bitchin' jacket that oozed violence in the form of a shopping bag filled with dismembered body parts held by a metal armored hand. After all, it WAS called 'Chopping Mall', and that was what you were promised....

But it was the 80s, and we were also promised the standardized metric system in the US. Neither were delivered.

     Tell me if you've ever heard this one before: Three new robotic security guards designed to watch over a mall after hours are struck by lighting and malfunction, going on a murder rampage. Because horror movies always have horny teens involved, that intersects with an after work party  held in one of the closed stores. The robo-rent-a-cops mistake them for trespassers, and decide to lay waste to these retarded mall rats. So let's look at this formula: Shopping mall, teens partying and screwing, robotic killing machines,...hell, the only thing missing is a  Molly Ringwald knock-off. Instead we got a Cheri Currie knock off and a sweet totally '80s mall montage as the opening credits.

It's OK. She was the annoying one that screamed at EVERYTHING.

     The only way I could have made this more nostalgic is if I bought a used VHS that once graced a rental store.

     The only person you'll really recognize is Dick Miller. HOWEVER: Gerrit Graham, aka Bud The CHUD, makes brief appearance as one of the robot technicians. Everyone else is forgettable.

From L to R: Middle child twatwaffle, Forgetable bravado, Workaholic nerd-bro
and the Bro-tard.
Thursday: Is it me, or is the third movie always the where the franchise falls apart?



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