Zombeavers
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| *insert juvenile comment about female reproductive organs here |
In a surprise to nobody, I'm rooting
for the zombeavers....I knew this would happen just by the title. The
film starts out with two rednecks transporting some mystery medical
waste and predictably, one of the canisters is jostled loose when
said rednecks hit a deer (This is to be the funniest scene in the
movie). The canister falls into a lake or river, lands in a beaver
dam, springs a leak, and that's when we meet the most likable characters in the film.
And that's no exaggeration: The males are complete dude-bros, the
women are trying to be cool and witty, but somehow utter the word 'beotch' in
2014. These terrible examples of a younger generation deserve every
horrible thing that befalls them. These include, but not limited to: severed foot, tree
crushing, human-turned-zombeaver mauling, penis severing, and auto
impaling. Even with some characters dying twice (once normal, once more after zombeaverfication), it still wasn't enough. It needed more
death. Their deaths...over and over.
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| Kill. Them. All. |
This movie stars no one other than the
beavers. They're cheesy puppets that I fell in love with in the first
scene. Oddly enough, the production of the film felt above its budget
of $44,000. “And what was the box office take?” you probably
didn't ask? $44,000. How tidy!
Friday: Fucking dolls...I always find the ones with fucking dolls....
No way! This totally beats the obligatory animal movie I had planned.
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